Well once again, life has taken a wrong turn, according to our plans and once again, it's during the holidays. Not that it really matters what time of year it is but December is supposed to be a happy month, a joyful month, a festive month. And for the most part it is and despite what has happened in the past during this time and what is happening now, it still was and is a happy time.
There still was/is happiness, there still was/is joy and there still was/is holiday festivities. It's just hard to believe it's at the same "happy" time. We've happened to be with my parents during the past two hard times that affected Mike and I directly. They were there to help us, guide us, pray for us and suffer with us.
But now it's my parents that are directly affected.
My dad's Melanoma is back and it's not good.
I know I've mentioned this before but Melanoma has struck my family in the past with my dad's father, my dad's sister and now it's my dad and since March he's been fighting it. After losing his sister this summer who had Melanoma as well, it's almost too hard to believe. I truly never knew that Melanoma could be this bad but now, I know all too well.
I've done research, I've joined forums, I've read blogs. Once again I find myself becoming an "expert" in a thing that I never wanted to know this much about (although Melanoma is way more complicated than Down syndrome). In true "Adrienne fashion", my obsessive/compulsive personality has come out in full force to do whatever I can to help my dad.
At times I feel strong, knowledgeable, hopeful and want to shout:
"My dad's gonna kick melanoma's ass!"
And then there are times I crumble in my tears, like a 2 year old, out of pure fear and sadness. Does God hear our prayers? Does he see our pain? Doesn't he see us crying? Does he know our fears? Does he even care? The answer, I truly believe and always will no matter what, is:
The hardest thing to do sometimes is fully trust God and accept that His will, will be done. I know people tend to turn their backs on God when he doesn't answer prayers according to their will. But I guess I've never had good results by turning my back on God. I don't feel any better, the pain is still there. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely been mad at God in the past. But again, the pain doesn't go away, it gets me nowhere.
So yes, life has taken a very wrong turn according to our plans. My dad will have to endure toxic medications to try and kill this thing over the next several weeks. While others celebrate with Christmas parties my dad will be in a hospital room fighting a battle. This toxic treatment may work or it may not. If it doesn't work we move on to another treatment. But I'll have all of you know, through all of this, my dad has kept a smile on his face. Surgery after surgery, medicine that made him feel like crap, radiation- through it all, he's been amazing!
But with all this yucky cancer talk,
There is most definitely still hope.
It won't be easy. It won't be "warm and fuzzy", we all know that. But with a positive, hopeful and prayerful attitude I know God will be there with my dad and us every step of the way.
This is where my dad belongs, on his lawn mower;) NOT in a hospital bed. NOT battling cancer.
"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"
Thanks to the friend that led me to this verse;)
As always, prayers are greatly appreciated.